Announcers can make or break the quality of a broadcast, there is no getting around that. Personally, if I could have Gus Johnson not only broadcast every game I watch but also have him narrate my life, I think I would be a much more successful human being.
My affinity for the most excitable announcer aside, athletic broadcasts, specifically college football, are becoming more and more scientifically generated. By that I mean the talking points are predictable, stereotypical buzzwords are thrown around like candy, and most announcers are pretty much interchangeable from one to the other, especially when it comes to a huge game like the one this Saturday in East Lansing. I’ve narrowed down some of the most used phrases and cliches in sports en route to the most fun you can’t have watching a football game without the football.
If you’re like me and plan on watching the game on your couch rather than with the droves of Wolverine fans commuting to the state’s capital (well, kind of, East Lansing is a bit further away from downtown), then I want you to join me in the game within the game: the MGoFish Michigan vs. Michigan State drinking game.
Grab your Miller Lites or Manweisers (if you are of age, of course) and listen up:
Drink Once When…
- They replay or mention last year’s final play (you know which one I mean) – sip slowly, because this is bound to happen a lot
- The phrase “quarterback battle” is mentioned in relation to MSU
- LJ Scott is referred to as a “workhorse”; finish your entire drink if they continue the metaphor and refer to Michigan’s running backs as “a stable”
- There is live coverage of the Paul Bunyan Trophy
- OSU’s loss to Penn State is mentioned
- The phrase “College Football Playoff implications” is used
- Michigan runs the “train formation”
- Michigan puts Jabrill Peppers in the wildcat
- Coach Harbaugh yells at a referee
Drink Twice When…
- The telecast gives viewers an aerial graphic of how far apart the two schools are
- Jabrill’s Heisman candidacy is mentioned, regardless of the nature of the discussion
- MSU has “a chip on their shoulder”
- It is mentioned that Riley Bullough is a 3rd generation football player at MSU
- They chortle at Eddie McDoom’s last name. Finish your drink if someone says he sounds like a comic book villain.
- They show “Jim Harbaugh’s Summer Vacation” or some inane rundown of all the things Harbaugh did after the 2015 season ended. Get a glass of milk or white russian if they mention Harbaugh’s love for liquid calcium.
- Coach Harbaugh curses at a referee (practice your lip reading)
Drink Three Times When…
- They show the Charles Woodson one-handed pick from 1997. Finish your drink if they put it side-by-side with Jourdan Lewis’ pick against Wisconsin.
- They replay the footage of Mike Hart calling MSU “Little Brother.”
- They show anything from Braylonanza in 2004. Finish your drink if they actually call it “Braylonanza.”
- They display a graphic comparing Dantonio’s record this year to any previous year.
- They show footage of Harbaugh playing.
Drink Five Times When…
- Mark Dantonio smiles. It’s incredibly rare, so here’s an example.
Please drink responsibly, and Go Blue!
Header photo courtesy of The Comeback